The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my shit smells like andre
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
