Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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