No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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