Can Purell be used as lube?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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