You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
