You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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