i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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