Christians are straight up FREAKS
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize