I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
