Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
COCAINE IS GR8
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
