I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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