I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
