on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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