Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
