did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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