Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
