i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
