going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
