all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
