It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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