if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
