whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This is my gift to your gina
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
