One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
