i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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