some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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