In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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