I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
