Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
