i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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