I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish you could order shots online.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize