too bad you live with your parents still
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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