this boner is exhausting
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Success! We fucked roommates!
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