I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
