dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
