Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
