check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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