Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
