The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
