Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
