Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize