i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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