Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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