i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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