remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
