he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
