Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
