Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
