we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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