capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
