I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
