I just saw a hot homeless man
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
