Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Come share oat with me in your robe
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
that is very illegal...i love you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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