i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
