soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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