I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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