TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
