I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
