so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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