i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize