if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
