I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize
