Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
