im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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