he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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