imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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