just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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