Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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