Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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