the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
