it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
