i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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