What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
