So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
