your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
