I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
