My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
