i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
