i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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