just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
