so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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