I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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