Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
