oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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