You really coming over, don't trick.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
