Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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