You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Operation Purity has been aborted
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
