just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
