in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
