Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Randomize
