Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
even my farts smell like vagina
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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