Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He felt like a one man threesome
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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