so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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